October 08, 2007

The stuff that kids come up with!

The stuff that kids come up with!

1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me,"would you please tie my shoe?"

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning. "

9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes."

10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear."

Miscommunication

A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms
around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think
we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until
we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."


The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the door-bell,

because the young couple hasn't paid their ast bill: "Are you Mrs. Smith?
You're a month overdue, you know!"
"how do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.
"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the man from the electric
company.
"What are you saying? It's in your files?????"
"Absolutely."
"Well, let me talk to my husband ; about this tonight."


That night, she tell her husband about the visit, and he, mad as

a bull, rushes to the electric company ofices the first thing the next morning.
"What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month
overdue?
What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.
"Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you
have to do is pay us."
"PAY you? and if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.
"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

Potatoes

An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.


Dear Son,

I am feeling pretty bad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.

Love, Dad



Shortly, the old man received this telegram:

For Heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up the garden! That's where I buried the GUNS!"

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns. Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next.

His son's reply was, "Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do for you at this time."

What guys really care about, i think it's CUTE!

Dont assume that guys won't care where you are,
because we do.
____________________________________________________
IT MAKES US FEEL SO SECURE TO KNOW THAT OUR
GIRLFRIEND ISNT OFF FLIRTING WITH GUYS WE'VE NEVER
HEARD OF!!
____________________________________________________

We don't care if you talk to other guys.

We don't care if you're friends with other guys.

But when you're sitting next to us, and some
random guy walks into the room and you jump up and
tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it
pisses us off.

It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him
for ten minutes without even acknowledging the
fact that we're still there.

We don't care if a guy calls you, but at 2 in the
morning we do get a little concerned. Nothing is
that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait till
the morning.
____________________________________________________
Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/
gorgeous/ cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it.

Don't tell us we're wrong.

We'll stop trying to convince you.

The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.
____________________________________________________
Yeah, you can quote me.
____________________________________________________
Don't be mad when we hold the door open.
Take Advantage of the mood im in.

LET US PAY FOR YOU!

DON'T "FEEL BAD"

We enjoy doing it.

It's expected.

Smile and say "thank you."
____________________________________________________
Kiss us when no one's watching.

If you kiss us when you know nobody's looking
we'll be more impressed.
____________________________________________________
You don't have to get dressed up for us.

If we're going out with you in the first place,
you don't have to feel the need to wear the
shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of
makeup you own.

We like you for WHO you are and not WHAT you are.

honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when
she's just in her pj's. or my tshirt and boxers,
not all dolled up
____________________________________________________

don't flirt with guys when were not with you.
We have eyes everywhere.
And when we find out, we're pissed.

Not necessarily with the guys you flirted with,
more-so with YOU.
____________________________________________________
Don't take everything we say seriously.

Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.

Don't get angry easily.
____________________________________________________
Stop using magazines/media as your bible.

Don't talk about how hott Morris Chesnutt, Brad
Pitt, or Jesse McCartny is in front of us.

It's boring, and we don't care.
You have girlfriends for that.
____________________________________________________
Whatever happened to the word "handsome"/"beautiful"

I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me
with "Hey
handsome!" instead of "Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/
sexy" or whatever else you can think of.

on the other hand im not sayin i woulndnt like it
ether ; )
____________________________________________________
Girls, I cannot stress this enough:
IF YOU AREN'T BEING TREATED RIGHT BY A GUY, DON'T
WAIT FOR HIM TO CHANGE. DITCH HIS SORRY,
DISCRACE-TO-THE-MALE-POPULATION ASS, AND FIND
SOMEONE WHO WILL TREAT YOU WITH UTTER RESPECT


Someone who will honor your morals.

Someone who will make you smile when you're at
your lowest.

Someone who will care for you even when you make
mistakes.

Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you
make them feel.

Someone who will stop what theyre doing just to
look you in the
eyes....and say "i love you" ...



....AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT!

Give the nice guys a chance

**************************************************
Guys repost this if you agree

Girls repost this if you think it's cute

Every Guy who isn't a jerk will agree with this,
so we hope that all the girls that read this will
repost this

HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of
Washington chemistry mid-term.
The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared
it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now
have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So
we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the
rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume
that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls
are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions
state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to
Hell.

Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do
not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls
go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect
the number off souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because
Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in
Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls
in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman
year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,"
and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then
number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic
and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that
since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any
more souls and is therefore, extinct leaving only Heaven, thereby
proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last
night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God !"

THE STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (Written by kids)

lol, i found this on net, it's so cute i want to share it with you :)

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (Written by kids)

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same
stuff. Like, if you
like sports, she should like it that you like
sports, and she should keep
the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10

(2) No person really decides before they grow up
who they're going to
marry. God decides it all way before, and you get
to find out later who
you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know
the person FOREVER by
then. -- Camille, age 10

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to
be a fool to get
married. -- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they
seem to be yelling
at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINKS YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
(1) Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should
use them to get to
know each other. Even boys have something to say
if you listen long
enough. -- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other
lies and that Usually
gets them interested enough to go for a second
date. -- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS
TURNING SOUR?
(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I
would call all the
newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in
all the dead columns. --
Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
(1) When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I
wouldn't want to mess
with that - - Curt, age 7

(3) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone,
then you should marry
them and have kids with them. It's the right thing
to do. -- Howard,
age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
(1) I don't know which is better, but I'll tell
you one thing. I'm
never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want
to be all grossed out.
-- Theodore, age 8

(2) It's better for girls to be single but not for
boys. Boys need
someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T
GET MARRIED?
(1) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain,
wouldn't there? --
Kelvin, age 8

and

the #1 Favorites is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
(1) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if
she looks like a
truck. -- Ricky, age 10 (oooooohhhhhh!!!!)

isn't that sweet? even children can think like
that....
Now, how bout u?? what ur answer?

September 20, 2007

Portable Ghost Detector



Portable Ghost Detector/ BAKETAN Ghost Detector

It’s cute, it’s strange, it’s Japanese.

If you are one of the throngs of people concerned about ghosts lurking around them, but you don’t want to let your paranoia mess with your active lifestyle - do yourself a favor and check out the portable ghost detector from
SolidAlliance / Strapya.

It works based on Mathmatical, Meteorological and Technological calculations. Whenever the device detects a ghost, it lights up. It detects these otherworldly beings by measuring changes in surrounding magnetic waves.

In other news, my refrigerator and my speakers are both haunted.



Here's how it works:
Simply, push the button. Then it starts searching for Ghosts! It keeps blinking for about 10 seconds.

If the circumstance around you is normal, it ends blinking (shortly, it blinks 3 times in the end.) oh, you can feel ease =)

HOWEVER! if something unusual, it cautions you by blinking in red continuously with some buzzer sounds!! It's in danger!! Get out of the place you stand!

Or if you have to stay there, keep pushing the button for some seconds, then, Baketan safe mode starts to expel some Ghost out of your body!(wow, even got the ghost charm! lol)

Even if you do not have a Baketan in your hand, it keeps searching for Ghosts automatically, once every ten minutes!!

Go out in midnight and find Ghost but beware of being possessed by Ghosts or Devils!!

Once you find something untouchable horrible existence, push the Baketan and protect by its safe mode.

Dimension (approx.): 38 x 35 x 9 mm, Baby Ghost Size: 20 mm
Total Length: 140mm- Battery type: CR2016 (1 piece)
Price: about $18 USD